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already february...

Already February...
I just got used to January 
and let alone twenty seventeen. 

Who's still down with the new year-new you duo...
That usually lasts about a week. 
A day really- a short social media day. 
It's the thought that counts I suppose. 

That's why there's February-
It's still new. 
It's still you. 
And you've, 
well, we've got this. 

More often times than not at the beginning of all things "new"
we set super high expectations. 
Laundry lists of high expectations. 

Be better at this.
Make time for that.
Eat less of this. 
Do more of that. 

Like laundry, the piles of expectations
penetrate my heart with nothing but a nagging feeling.
It's just another something that isn't getting done at the level of which it's expected, 
just to weigh heavy on me and eventually wear me down. 

All for what?
No one else even knows my little "be better-do better" list. 
I put all this pressure on myself and end up feeling nothing but flustered...
For what?
The nonsense I draw up in my own head.

As a mom of 3... 
I have been gently forced to realize that my little expectation list
well, needs an expectation check. 

It's been 11 years since the last baby and 13 years since the first.
To say I was on auto-pilot is the understatement of the century. 

Days were filled and always busy but it was all doable. 

Running 9-0
Getting it all done and not stopping until it was-
Robot or very productive?
I'll take a very productive robot. 
For me, goals are everything. 
(much different than an expectation)
I set them, I struggle with them, I achieve them.
I love to have them. 
I thrive on them. 

These days- if truth be told, 
staying focused on a single task until completion is quite complicated. 
Not so much. 
Not always. 

But hot dang isn't he the cutest 3 month old you've ever seen?
I mean c'mon!
I may be a little biased. 
But that gently forced reminder is a darn good one. 

Keeps me real. Keeps me motivated. Keeps me grounded. 
Not that I didn't hold on to all of those attributes closely before, 
because I did- firmly. 
 I just have found a stronger appreciation for the "newer" version. 
For me it's a sign of growth, understanding and patience

All good things happen in time. 
All beautiful things develop with love. 
All goals are meant to met with hard work. 
All expectations are to be exceeded.
All in due time. 

So for those of us with the goal oriented, high expectation, fast acting brain
like mine that strives a box to check...
Enjoy the time.
Minutes, Hours, Days, Years. 
They are ours, 
meant to be embraced.
Embraced through struggle, success and diaper changes.  

So February is my new best friend. 
Time to re-address the expectation. 
Redefine the goal. 
Allow myself the time.
And of course, conquer. 

And clearly- 
when in doubt, make out!
Because you know- 
if it's on the planner it must happen. 
(he's hoping)
 Annnnnnd that is when I re-read this post.
Baby steps to big girl dreams. 
Reminding myself of that little gem of a saying daily these days. 
But really, 
it's just a firm reminder to take the time to love yourself- as you are. 
Piles of laundry and all. 

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